My (partial) “Guide” on my PAL Journey

Every family is different; everyone’s story, how they react to certain situations, etc is all different. I am going to tell some things that help me in my journey of pregnancy after loss. Only some for now as what I do is lengthy and changes all of the time depending on the day.

While they might be helpful to some, they might not be to others. That’s okay because we’re all on our own journey. 

1. Take each day as it comes. Even then, sometimes I need to take it hour by hour. Pregnancy after loss is stressful, terrifying, amazing, hopeful… Complex. I experience a lot of different emotions daily, hourly, minute to minute. It is hard. Try and breathe and try to relax. I’m not that great at trying to stay calm, myself. I’m so lucky to have an amazing health care team and husband who are always there. Which leads me to number two.

2. Get yourself an OB team who cares about you and your baby as much as you do. A team that is willing to put up with you calling and asking “stupid” questions whenever. A team that knows you and your history and who is compassionate about your family. I have heard so many horror stories of families not having a team that listened to their fears or worries and I couldn’t imagine being in that position. Our fear is real. It is terrifying. We deserve someone to take care of us that cares and validates our concerns while offering reassurance. 

3. Have that one person who you can pour everything to. For me, it’s my husband. I know not everyone is married or in a relationship and that’s okay because like I said earlier, everyone is on an individual journey. Have that person you can talk to, cry to, talk things through with. I have also met some amazing fellow loss moms/PAL moms online. I talk to them all of the time about anything and everything; because they listen and they understand.

4. Positive affirmations. Try and remind yourself: different pregnancy, different baby. Our children are their own unique individuals. It’s easy for me to distinguish their uniqueness from each other as people but where I struggle is different pregnancy… Because in my mind what happened to Sophia never should have happened in the first place. So how can I think any different when they only outcome I know from pregnancy and going to the hospital to have my baby is leaving with an empty carseat? I try and remind myself and those are the moments when I can breathe for just a moment… I will take my son home to raise him. 

5. Prepare for your child. Whatever that means to you. For me it is buying and washing his clothes, picking out his baby book, etc. It took me a long time to come to terms with changing the nursery. All of Sophia’s belongings were exactly as they were. My husband and I have slowly been working on it. It’s hard; exhausting really. We are so happy and excited for Oliver but we were for Sophia too and putting her things away is like a slap in the face. We were so ready for her… and now we are so ready for Oliver. We’re so close to bringing him home! (Positive affirmation)

These are just a few of the things I do that help me in my PAL journey. What are some things that help you? Leave a comment and let me know. 

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