Charles and I went out to the cemetery to plant flowers in Sophia’s flower pot. We got done and Charles went to get a bucket of water for her newly planted flowers. I laid down next to Sophia on my left side and placed my hand over her tiny grave; my fingers intertwined in the grass. It all hit me and I couldn’t stop crying. This is as close as I’m ever going to be to her on Earth… touching some grass above her. I only got to hold her in my arms for two days. I gave her her last kiss before we “tucked” her in to her casket. I miss her so much. All of the hopes and dreams I had for her are now memories in my mind of events that will never take place. It’s messed up. I laid next to her and cried as Charles laid next to me and held me. The wind blew around us, the shine shining on her freshly planted flowers. In the middle of the cemetery I, a mother, cried for my first child on Mother’s Day.
She made me a mother when her life started in October of 2015. She was long awaited for and was our “miracle baby”. We had an appointment with fertility specialty the following month… cancelling that appointment was surreal! She is our firstborn, our daughter. For as long as we love her we will grieve her. A parent’s love is forever.