I apologize for not blogging for awhile there. I have hit a downward spiral in my mourning. There have been so many major dates that have come up recently that drove me even more sad about Sophia not being here. The first being Halloween. That was a tough one; tougher than I imagined it to be.
Sophia was supposed to be a lion like her daddy was for his first Halloween. Instead of bringing her around in her costume to her grandparents and relatives’ houses we painted family pumpkins (we didn’t carve so they would last longer) and brought them out to her gravesite.
November 12th then came, the day only one year ago I finally took a pregnancy test after my mother begged me to on the phone. I had been nauseated for weeks and when that test turned blue I immediately didn’t care about my nausea anymore! I was glad to have nausea, it meant baby B was growing healthy and strong! November 12th is also my sister’s birthday. I felt so bad. I cried a lot, I tried not to for her but there were times the pain was all too much. That was a very rough day.
Now, here we are with Thanksgiving, Christmas and 2017 quickly approaching. It’s weighing me down. I’m trying my hardest to get up each day but it hurts to breathe. I’m so scared for these holidays… the family events… Charles and I haven’t decided what we are going to do yet. Whatever our decision, it is going to be hard with Sophia spending all of these holidays in Heaven.