The Countdown

Leading up to our induction we (naturally) had a countdown. I remember all of the days leading up to June 29th, 2016… June 26th was my last day scheduled to work, June 27th we had our last ultrasound, June 28th we took pictures and had a beautiful and relaxing day. The countdown was fun and exciting! We were counting down the days until we would finally hold our daughter in our arms. It was such an exciting and fun time in our lives. 7 days… 5 days…. 3 days… 1 more day! 

I find myself doing another countdown in my life right now: 3 days until Charles and I say “I do”. I find myself having difficulty with this countdown. Don’t get me wrong, I am so excited to finally marry my high school sweetheart, soul mate and best friend but this countdown brings me back to the last one we just did in June. Every day I think about what we did on that day and all of those memories flood my mind. 

It’s a roller-coaster and it is so hard to handle emotionally along with planning the wedding. I didn’t even imagine this would be an issue until it got to these final days (around day 12). I didn’t think I would feel like this with something as simple as a countdown. I expected to probably have these feelings if and when Charles and I decide to have another child; but for our wedding? 

Something as simple as a “countdown” to a huge event can be a major trigger for bereaved parents (even if it’s not a countdown for bringing your child home in your arms). We need extra love and support in these times and most of all we need patience. We had to bury our child instead of rock them to sleep every night, kiss and cuddle them, feed them, change them… the list goes on forever. We miss our children every second of every day. 

There are triggers for us; that’s perfectly normal and okay. Please listen to us, if not by our words then our body language. We tell so much with body language alone. Although you have no idea what it feels like to bury your child instead of bring them home from the hospital (and I pray you never have to) you can still show love and support by talking to us and asking us how we are truly doing; especially during such emotional events.

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