The contractions were getting stronger and harder; my body began to bear down on its own. I told the nurse and she went to alert the doctor. It was change of shift so it took like what seemed forever. They came in and checked; I was fully effaced and dilated to a 10. The doctor looked at me and said “It’s time to push.” Suddenly the room felt different, I was focused. My mind went through my entire pregnancy; it all lead up to this moment. I was finally going to see and hold my daughter! Another doctor told me I would be pushing for at least four hours. I began to push at a little after 8pm and Sophia was born at 8:26pm.
The only people in the room were Charles, the doctor and our nurse. The lights were dimmed and the room was very quiet aside from my own sobbing and Charles telling me “You’re doing great honey! Keep going. I love you so much.” While I was pushing I had this little piece of hope that when she came I still might hear her cry, that they were wrong, that a miracle happened… I never heard her cry, never seen her eyes… I held Sophia and I cried and cried as I stared at her. Giving birth to my daughter was the most beautiful yet hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Hard because I knew I wouldn’t be able to take her home… we wouldn’t hear her cry or see your eyes… wouldn’t be able to put our finger in her palm and have her squeeze back… It was beautiful because we finally got to see and hold our daughter… beautiful because a woman’s body is amazing at what it can do.