“The Club”

I never knew about this invisible club until I was in it. The club that no parent ever wants to be a part of; the one that nobody should be a part of. The club of parents who had their child taken too soon. The parents who had to bury their child. We are all connected to each other in a horrible way. It breaks my heart to know that other parents have felt the pain that I do. This pain is something I’ve never come close to experiencing in my entire life until June 29th, 2016. It is physical. Like someone crushing me; I can’t breathe. No one wants to be in this club but once you’re in, you’re in. Losing a child does things to you. You’re not the same person anymore. You constantly think about your child and how they should be here. You constantly think about the future that they will never have; the wonder of who your child would have been… 

In this “club” we find support of other grieving parents. I have met some pretty amazing parents all across the world. They all are helping me to honor Sophia the way she deserves. She is my whole life. My fiancé said to me when we were in the hospital and I was in labor: “We need to share her with the world.” I couldn’t agree more. Sophia is absolutely perfect and we are going to share her with everyone, with the world. 

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One thought on ““The Club”

  1. I am so sorry you have to be in this club too. I became a member June 2, 2016 (to this particular club, my first loss was 11 years ago but my first still birth was this June). I don’t think the pain will ever disappear. It may dull over time but it is a wound that will never heal. It isn’t natural. It isn’t the way life is supposed to be. A mother should not have to bury her child. A mother should not have to birth a silent and still baby. But we love that child infinitely. Our bond is not shattered because our baby didn’t take a breath. I think it is amplified. I wish you weren’t here with me, but I am glad you have support. Our babies will be in our hearts and our minds until our final day, when hopefully we will be reunited. Until then, we have each other. Sending love and prayers from another mama who knows your pain.

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