Where to start…

It has been just over two months since my daughter was born into Heaven. I am struggling. I have always had this positive outlook on life with an eye for the future and now I can’t even think about what I am going to be doing the next hour… Sleep? Cry? My whole world has been thrown for a loop. It is insane to me how life can literally change in the blink of an eye. Sophia was such a happy and healthy baby our entire pregnancy. How can she just be gone?

She is everything I wanted in life. I wanted nothing more than to be a mother; and now I am a childless mother. I will never get to hear her voice, play with her hair or even see her eyes. She was born sleeping.

I never even imagined that anything could happen to Sophia the entire time I was pregnant. She was so healthy and perfect why would I think anything else? We went to every appointment and did exactly what the doctors told us to do. Now, here we are empty handed. Sophia’s crib is empty, her stroller has never been used and her clothes are still perfectly placed in her dresser. Her diaper bag is still packed with everything a newborn baby would need. As a new mother I am sure it is well over packed with things that aren’t necessary, but I was new to all of this. I would have rather been over prepared than under. For now everything is neatly set up and it is going to stay that way. It makes me sad to see everything of hers unused but I can’t just put it away either…

 

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One thought on “Where to start…

  1. Oh I am so so very sorry sweet Mama. I know your pain so well. I lost my dear sweet Joseph at 26 weeks in 2013 (story on my site: healthymomhappybaby.com).
    Your daughter is absolutely beautiful.
    I too suffered relentless HG with my son and my rainbow baby who is now 17 months.
    I pray for strength and love snd healing dear Mama. Thank you for breaking the silence and sharing your heart and story with the world. XO
    Love, one grieving Mama to another

    Like

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